it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
