she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
