I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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