her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
