i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
