i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
