90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
