Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I smell stomach acid.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
