haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He kissed a someone with a penis
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
