My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
