How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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