Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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