oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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