i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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