youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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