if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
