i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
