Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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