her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
