Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
