I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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