My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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