i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
