he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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