Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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