the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
