I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
