cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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