if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
