I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
