Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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