just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
