Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the condom got lost in my hair
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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