i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
