Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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