I have demons in me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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