So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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