I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
