I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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