This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
