I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
