She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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