I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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