I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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