I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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