you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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