the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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