Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
