i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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