Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
