good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I forget how to act sober
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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