he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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