I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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