I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
