He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
