No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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