so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
