Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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