Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
