Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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