and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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