dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
