JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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