I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
