I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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